Football News: 10 Of The Worst

Image from: pinkun.com

Every team has that player that the fans struggle to understand why they are first choice. When you see the team sheet with their name on it you find yourself groaning to yourself and fan forums and pub discussions are constantly full of fans asking how on earth they get in the team. They are seen as reliable, but, to the fans, they are reliably bad. The outstanding example from recent years would be Glenn Johnson at Liverpool. You knew exactly what you would get from him, he would get forward at every opportunity, but always look to cut inside if he got the ball, he was one paced, except when getting back to defend, in which case he had an extra gear he would go to. Sadly that extra gear was an extra low one as he would barely break into a saunter on the way back, let alone a run. Effort was something other people made on his behalf, but at least he was reliable in his awfulness. So here is a list of Johnson's of the season so far:

1. Gabby Agbonlahor
The Aston Villa captain is bizarrely regular, despite offering little that you would expect a forward to offer. He even manages to look like a pub player who turned up after a heavy night on the tiles, with his overweight physique and lack of any discernible intelligence, touch or movement. How on earth a non-scoring, non-assisting, non-entity striker gets in the team and gets the captaincy of the club is utterly beyond me. He does not even have the blistering pace he once had.

2. Tim Howard
2014 was a good year for Everton's Tim Howard, at least right up until the end of the World Cup, which saw him become a hero for the USA team. The plethora of memes regarding what Tim Howard could save where the peak of his career so far, as he seemed more interested in his book than football last season. The desire to prove himself seems to be sated, with his game mostly characterised by a lack of decisive action dealing with crosses and through balls. Howard now seems rooted to the goal line and unable to offer anything which his back up Joel Robles does not do better.

3. Branislav Ivanovic
Last year Ivanovic was feted by all and sundry as he nailed down the Chelsea right back berth, forcing Cesar Azpilicueta to play out of position at left back. Ivanovic got forward well, providing goals and assists, as well as defensive height to deal with crosses. This season, he plays with all the pace and power of an 80 year old man. The attacking threat he was posing last season has completely vanished and he now looks like an out of position centre back who is not happy being played as a full back.

4. James Milner
James Milner joined Liverpool on a Bosman free transfer in the summer, becoming Liverpool's highest paid player in the process. Milner was looking to become a regular, for both club and country, in central midfield. He achieved his wish, for club at least, in the early stages of the season, but his performances were so dire, it is difficult to see a future for him in that role. Under the tutelage of Jurgen Klopp, he has once more been mainly used in wider areas, but he has still struggled to show anything to suggest he should be a regular. For all his running around, he offers little defensively or offensively.

5. Bacary Sagna
The former Arsenal right back is not the worst player, it is more a question of who he is keeping out of the team, than how badly he is playing himself. Sagna is not offering the quality and pace going forward, nor the drive, determination and tenacity of Pablo Zabaleta, yet, somehow, he is keeping the Argentine out of the team each week. Even an out of sorts Zabaleta offers more to the team than Sagna ever does.

6. Wayne Rooney
It is impossible not to include Rooney in this list, as he continues to captain Manchester United, despite looking so far from his best that he is unrecognisable as the youngster who burst onto the scene with Everton. Years of poor diet and lifestyle have destroyed him as a top class player, his weight issues have cost him his pace and his touch has completely deserted him. At one time he would race around like a headless chicken, but it would make a difference, as he would put the opposition under pressure constantly. Now his pace has dropped, his attempts to chase round just leave him out of position when United get the ball. His desire to be at the centre of everything has become an issue, as his touch has deserted him.

7. Andy Carroll
West Ham United play some great football, pick up good results, then Andy Carroll returns to fitness, gets put back in the side, and everything falls apart. It is becoming a familiar story for the Hammers, that the exciting attacking football is replaced by long balls to a static Carroll as soon as the team begins to look good. Carroll has the potential to be an excellent focal point, but, even if he was able to stay fit, he has shown no desire to turn that potential into reality. If he could live the professional lifestyle, then he might be able to turn his career around and begin to show why he was once considered worth paying £35m for. Sadly it is far more likely that he will end up getting injured by falling off a bar stool drunk once more than it is he will ever rediscover his form.

8. Whoever Tony Pulis puts at right back this week
Tony Pulis's obsession with having the tallest players he can find making up his backline is ensuring that West Bromwich Albion always have a player at right back who offers them nothing when they have the ball. All that matters is that they are tall, can head the ball and do not venture too far forward. The Baggies have become a team that are more like the old Wimbledon of the Crazy Gang days than Wimbledon were, in terms of their style of play. It is the kind of football that can make you fall out of love with the game.

9. Steven Whittaker
Is there a worse right back ever to play in the Premier League? It is beyond me how the Norwich City right back is even a professional, let alone a Premier League player. He has a first touch so bad it is embarrassing, his passing is awful, his tackling is badly timed, he can barely cross and his positional sense is non-existent. Added to his lack of pace, which makes him look like he is jogging everywhere, he offers nothing to the team at all.

10. Fabricio Coloccini
Newcastle United have struggled defensively for years, and a large part of their problem is the Argentinian centre back, who has somehow ended up falling on his feet so completely that he has been handed the captain's armband. The defender has absolutely no leadership qualities at all, lacks pace, is positionally inept and only ever plays well when the rest of the team is playing well. Rather than inspiring others, as a captain should, he needs them to inspire him. It would have done the club a big favour if they had allowed him to return to Argentina when he tried to force his way out. If anything, he is a liability.

Written by Tris Burke December 08 2015 12:03:16