Sports Articles: And Finally... Odd Injuries!

And Finally.....Odd Injuries!





Having read about Millwall defender Shaun Hutchinson missing the FA Cup 3 round tie with Hull City after he somehow managed to gash his leg putting the bins out (I wish there was more of an explanation of how, in this modern era of wheely bins, the lad managed to do this), I thought it was time to devote an 'And Finally....' to bizarre injuries. There are hundreds of them out there, as it seems the one thing sportspeople have in common is their capacity to injure themselves in ridiculous ways. Ways that leave you wondering how on earth they managed to do that.



Firstly, though only loosely a sport, I have to mention a wrestler called Randy Orton, who also picked up an injury putting the bins out, though his was a more understandable dislocated shoulder. At least that makes some kind of sense! Well more sense than when Sam Henderson suffered a shoulder injury. The Queen of the South goalkeeper was hit by a run away .... cow on his dad's farm. I am guessing he must have hurt it trying to catch the cow and missing.



It is not just footballers that are prone to silly injuries, nor is it limited to lower end sports stars, it even happened to one of the greatest sportsmen of all time, basketball legend Michael Jordan. He may have been probably the greatest basketball player of all time, but in 1999 he missed a game after badly cutting his finger on a cigar cutter. Which begs the question, did he really put his finger inside and press it? Only I see no other way you could possibly cut yourself on one of those cutters otherwise!

 

The MLB's Brent Mayne failed in his audition to be the new Green Cross Code man when he suffered back spasms checking for traffic before crossing the road. I just hope he won't be there when I cross the road. In case you are wondering, he was not actually auditioning to be the Green Cross Code man, Darth Vader's boots are far too big for him to fill.



Though I should not really be laughing at these silly injuries, as I did have a similar mishap myself as a child, when I got up out of the chair and did not realise that the contents of my pencil case had spilled out on to it, so I just, as I tended to do when younger, jumped back onto the seat. Right onto a rusty old compass of the type you use to draw a circle with! The worst thing about it was, once I had finally pulled the needle out of one cheek of my backside, I was taken to hospital to have a tetanus injection. The doctor kindly put that in the other butt cheek! I had to lie face down all the way home in the car and struggled to sit down for days.



At least I never needed stitches in my backside though, unlike my Uncle Billy, who sat down on the front step of my grandparent's house when he was a kid, not noticing there was a milk bottle there (note: milk bottles are what people used to have in the days when people were not all about 'being green' but everything was recycled unlike now). The milk bottle shattered and he needed about 20 stitches.



Talking of sitting on glass things, back in 1988 an ice hockey player for NHL side New York Rangers called John Vanbiesbrouck was sat on a coffee table when it collapsed. The glass top shattered and sliced nerves and tendons. Which is a little different from Steve Simonsen's coffee table-related injury. The then-Everton keeper broke his toe kicking his coffee table. No idea why he was kicking his coffee table like, but I doubt he ever did it again!



Eating seems to be a hazard to sportspeople, Chelsea keeper Dave Beasant dropped (why does that not surprise me?) a jar of salad cream, and attempted to juggle it on his foot rather than letting it fall to the ground. The bottle smashed and severed a tendon in his big toe. Atlanta Braves baseball player Tom Glavine had a bad airplane meal in 1992, so bad he threw it up violently cracking two ribs in the process!



Speaking of bad meals, Rangers defender Kirk Broadfoot was making poached eggs in the microwave, as you do, and the eggs exploded in his face showering him with scalding water. San Francisco Giants' Kevin Mitchell somehow chipped a tooth eating a microwaved frozen donut, that caused an infection in the tooth which saw him return to spring training late. He also once strained his back vomiting, though I am not sure if that was anything to do with airplane food though.

I have to end with an injury that Ed007 has suffered with many times, overzealous polishing of his pipes leading to an explosion. Of course I am talking about bagpipes, as NHL ice hockey player Glenn Healy of the Toronto Maple Leafs was 'cleaning the bag on his bagpipes' (is that a euphemism?) when it exploded and cut his hand so badly he needed 40 stitches. Is that really a thing? Are bagpipes really dangerous? They certainly endanger my ears....

Written by Ed001 January 16 2019 19:23:41