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Sports Articles: And Finally... Excuses!

And Finally... Excuses!
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And Finally... Excuses! "Sorry sir, the dog ate my homework," is an excuse I am sure we have all tried at some point in our school life, amongst many others, if you are like me. I remember once telling one teacher that there was no point doing homework and her asking me what I would do if I got a job that required me to take my work home. Being a cheeky little sod with little idea of the real world, I just said I would not do a job like that. Now, of course, I spend my entire working life working from home! We do see excuses trotted out a lot, such as Ed025 for knowing nothing about football always excuses it by pointing at the team he supports. Obviously if he was knowledgeable he would be a red! Ed004 obviously has plenty of excuses for tax dodging and being workshy, well he is a student. Ed007 and Ed039 just blame the English for everything, being Scottish. As for sportspeople, they tend to have much more imaginative excuses, such as the team not being able to see each other to make a pass, which Alex Ferguson so famously used at Southampton when his team was given a hiding 6-3. However that conveniently ignores the fact that the score was just 3-0 at half time when his team changed kit from the grey kit he despised so much. To be fair, he did believe the excuse and the kit was never seen again, or perhaps they did wear it but no one saw them up against the crowd? It might explain their dominance of the Premier League under Ferguson if he was sneaking an extra player on the pitch camouflaged in that kit... Shane Warne once blamed his mother because he was caught taking a banned diuretic. She pointed out what a fat git he was on TV and so he took the drug (or so he claims). He was banned for a year. Speaking of failed drugs tests, cyclist Tyler Hamilton blamed his dead twin for a failed drugs test. He claimed the genetically different blood cells in his system were due to a twin that had died before being born. Being a cyclist, we all know how clean that sport is, so I am sure we all believe him completely, even if he did end up retiring after failing another dope test. Ukraine blamed their 4-0 loss to Spain at the 2006 World Cup on frogs. Defender Vladislav Vashchuk said: "Because of the frogs' croaking we hardly got a wink of sleep." There was also the England leg-end David James who always put his many mistakes down to an addiction to the Playstation and not because he was crap. American football player Shaun Rodgers had an excuse, though it was not for losing a game, it was for losing at life. He turned up at the airport with a gun that was loaded and had a bullet in the chamber, as we all do like. I am sure it is a mistake we have all made many times, right? Right? Just me then? His excuse was simple, he never knew the gun was loaded, because that would have made it alright if it was not loaded, obviously. In baseball, a sport like cycling that is famous for being.... clean, star Sammy Sosa broke his bat in a 2003 game. In the middle it was clearly filled with cork, an illegal move to help hit a ball further. Sosa claimed he was 'accidentally' using a practice bat. I am sure we all believe him. Justin Gatlin's excuse for steroid abuse was sabotage. He blamed it on a masseuse using testosterone cream on his legs. Of course we all believe that an American athlete would never take steroids, after all Carl Lewis said he never ever took drugs after Ben Johnson was banned, despite having served 2 bans at college level for positive tests....but it is only Russians who cheat. Must be those pesky masseuses. Tennis pro Richard Gasquet actually got away with a positive cocaine test with one of the most insanely ridiculous excuses of all time. He was acquitted and reinstated to the tour after claiming he had not taken any cocaine but merely kissed a girl who did. And that worked! Though cyclist Floyd Landis failed to get away with a positive test which he tried to claim was down to drinking whisky. Realising it was as believable as kissing a girl makes you fail a dope test, Landis revoked his statement and was banned for 2 years. Back to the excuses for defeats and there was the Sri Lankan cricket team who blamed their defeat to Pakistan in the 2001 ICC Champions Trophy final on tight clothing. Iker Casillas claimed his girlfriend distracted him when he failed to save the goal in a 1-0 defeat to Switzerland for Spain. They still went on and won the World Cup in that tournament, despite the distraction of his girlfriend. The New York Knicks were beaten by 20 points against the Thunder and blamed it on seeing a ghost the night before. The players said they were unable to sleep after seeing that. The England cricket team blamed their loss to South Africa on low clouds, while the balls were too bouncy, according to Kenny Dalglish when in charge of Newcastle United after a cup draw with lower league Stevenage. While Mervyn King, the darts player, blamed a loss to Raymond van Barneveld on the air conditioning, claiming it was affecting the flight of his lighter darts. But the most mature excuse award has to go to Zambian tennis player Lighton Ndefwayi after he was beaten by Musumbu Bwayla in 1992. Ndefwayi said: "Bwayla is a stupid man and a hopeless player. He has a huge nose and is cross-eyed. Girls hate him. He beat me because my jockstrap was too tight and because when he serves me he farts, and that made me lose my concentration, for which I am famous throughout Zambia." Just brilliant and, I am sure we all agree, very believable. This article was suggested by akshit on the Liverpool site, who was wondering about Jurgen Klopp's complaints about grass being too dry etc and what other weird excuses and reasons were given for not winning in sports.

Written by Ed001 February 11 2019 13:02:22

 

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